Tuesday, February 24, 2009

changing my atmosphere

moving within the next two weeks seems pretty possible. it's overwhelming!

this is different than changing apartments...this is changing lives. as i pack the boxes, i'm hit with the magnitude of it. this is the last time i'll live by myself. when i move back to illinois, i'll be under grandma's roof again. and soon after, i'll be mrs. prince charming's wife.

my personal space is surely under attack, lol.

the things i cherish about living alone will be long gone. the ability to be a hermit for days.....the daily household chores i leave undone til whenever "later" comes....sitting on the couch watching girly shows for hours while i inhale a burrito....

i want to spend these last nati days calling up all the people i'll miss and spending some time with them, but i have so much to pack.

part of me is worried that some of these people will forget about me, and as the months separate us, they will find it easy to pass up my wedding-an event that i'm hoping brings all those people i miss back to me for a few hours. i know that means that perhaps their season in my life is over, but that's so sad.

i almost feel as though part of me is in mourning. i know in my heart of hearts that i will not see some of these people ever again. these last days are the last moments we will share. as intricately as they are involved in my live now, the busyness of life will slowly put us on different paths.

and yet, i'm excited to start a new chapter of my life. i'm getting married and most mornings i still wake up and can't believe how lucky i am. i'm in love with the people i'm moving toward, but i'm not in love with the place.

i'm getting pretty emotional, and i'm not good at goodbye. i have to say goodbye to almost ten years of nati friends....and to a city that i honestly thought i'd live my life out in.

i'm sad....and happy...and sad....and happy.....

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